you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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