Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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