He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
