How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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