Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
