she looked like the before picture.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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