Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
