this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
