i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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