don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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