I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
