You're a womanizer and a bitch.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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