I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
