nut hugger
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i now understand why vodka
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
