Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
do herpes really smell.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
