i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
