consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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