I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
