This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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