Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
