Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
