Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize