I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
