im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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