This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
