The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
