Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
