i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
