I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
