I puked a lego.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
