just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize