I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
