why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
