it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
