It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
