My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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