Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Life is so much better after having sex.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
