I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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