You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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