kristin has been a bad kristin
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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