my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
