Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
