What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
