I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
