I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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