and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I need water and some morals
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize