I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
