My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just forgot I was standing up.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
