I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
