She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize