A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
