The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
