dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He did a backflip because drugs
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
