There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
