If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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