hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
