When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
