we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
