Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
