Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
