I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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