He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
