you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
