Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize