Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
