my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
