Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
