My first STD was from a foam party
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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