Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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