ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
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My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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