He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
