Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
