are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
