To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
