just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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