I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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